you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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