I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
