tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
