we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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