I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
