hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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