So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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