So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
