Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
