i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
