hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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