We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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