can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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