my phone needs a breathalizer
she woke up with a sticky ear
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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