I wish I only lived at night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
