im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
