WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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