never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
bring money and cleavage
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
