how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
