Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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