She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
