I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
