Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
