Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
