if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize