1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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