i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
only if we run a train.
done.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
