I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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