Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
