I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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