Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
