I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
