I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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