she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
