And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
