Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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