After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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