Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
