We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
