Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
