3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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