...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
