How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
