idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
