You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
