You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
