____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
