Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
