he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
