Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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