whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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