No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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