Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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