then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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