I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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