ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
