im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
