A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
