Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
