Porn is love you can see.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
