i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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