I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
