If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
