HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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