I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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