Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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