I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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