is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
