remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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