Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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