I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
