I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
