Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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