Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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