we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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