how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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