he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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