btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
