Yo dont text me then not text me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
