My brain says no but my pants say off.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize